Renewal

Home and Nature

I find myself struggling to keep my passion for writing, for sharing, and for beauty flowing freely.  I wonder why any job feels it is appropriate to demand my focus rather than to promote a healthy lifestyle that will radiate back to my worklife.  I am scheduled to work ten hour days, yet each of these days spills over into many more hours.  This is the norm here;  my seasoned coworkers that have provided hospice care for many years found they must long ago surrender to this demand.

I see and hear the anger and resentment in all of us.  I see and hear the exhaustion.  I marvel at the compassion and expertise that we all continue to operate under, the love we show to those we care for.  Yet it is expected that we will do more;  that we will somehow be more productive;  that we will meet these unhealthy demands in the name of caring.

Caring for who?  How is caring for others seen as superceding caring for ourselves?  How does a company filled with passionate professionals operate under the assumption that we are here to serve others but not ourselves?  It brings to mind the bitterness of nuns of old.  And this is truly old thinking.

I intimately know that giving of myself naturally flows from giving to myself.  That boundaries are true kindness to all, that they contain respect for the empowerment of all rather than a few.  I marvel at this culture that I struggle through.  I remain because I am invested in end of life care.  Yet my investment to myself will always come first.  We shall see how this proceeds.  For today I am joyful, I am home, I am renewing myself with my gorgeous home and nature.  And soon with others to connect with and enrich us both.